2011: Book 32

Juicy: Confessions of a Former Baseball Wife by Jessica Canseco


256 pages

Completed 3/27/11

This book was not great; I should've put it down two chapters in, but I just could not stop reading it. Is that not the case of all trashy reads? Canseco tells the tale of how at 19, working at Hooters, she falls for MLB great Jose Canseco. With woes of a terrible sex life, his countless affairs, plastic surgery, steroid abuse, and the code of silence upheld by the baseball wives and girlfriends, this was an interesting, if terrible, read.

I couldn't help but feel for Canseco throughout the first half of the book; with her emotionally absent parents throughout her childhood, Jose didn't seem so bad. But after filing for divorce what seemed like 25 times, and yet still returning to his abusive, belittling, and disrespectful ways, I found myself just annoyed. After she brings a child into this odd union, I lost all respect. This was one of the rare memoirs I read and had no desire to research the author further.

2011: Book 17

Couldn't Keep it to Myself: Testimonies From Our Imprisoned Sisters by Wally Lamb and the Women of York Correctional Institution


368 pages

Completed 2/25/11

I am a huge Wally Lamb fan; She's Come Undone and The Hour I First Believed are two of my favorites. After reading Lamb's I'll Fly Away a few years ago, I realized I had missed the first of the York prison stories in this compilation.

A collection of autobiographical and fictional stories from women in prison for various offenses - assault, homicide, manslaughter - the writing workshops run by Lamb in this Connecticut prison allowed these women to have a voice - most for the first time. With an underlying theme of abuse and sexual assault, these women's stories do not ask for pity or deny their crimes. Instead they are forced to confront the scariest thing - themselves. Some are joyful stories; most are horrific.

The voices that these women are able to express only through writing is indescribable; Lamb has offered them a way for their souls to be free, if only for a brief time. As the final line in the book by Dale Griffith, a writing teacher at York, so wonderfully puts: "My body's still in prison, but my spirit's finally free."

2011: Book 14

How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale by Jenna Jameson


592 pages

Completed 2/18/11

As expected from a stripper turned porn star turned mogul, this was a raunchy tell-all with photos along the way. Venturing into her abusive relationships with men, her drug addictions, love affairs with women, unhealthy familial relationships, and a troubled adolescence, Jameson doesn't reveal much that isn't accessible on her IMDB page, other than the nitty gritty details of her sexual escapades. Surprisingly, her writing isn't half bad, and she actually came off more intelligent that you'd expect.

The last few chapters, about husband Jay and her quest to get pregnant, annoyed me, if only because I know that marriage dissolved in 2006 when she then went on to have children with her current husband. I also found myself wanting to erase my Google history, as I was curious about a lot of the people she mentioned throughout the book. Overall, an interesting read, but nothing to rave about.

2011: Book #2

The Book of Revelation by Rupert Thomson


272 pages

Completed 1/5/11

This was one of those books that has been sitting in my bookshelf FOREVER so I decided to just start reading it. Based on a dream the author had, the story of a male dancer drugged and kidnapped by three women and held and sexually tortured for eighteen days and the subsequent effects of it on his life is a bizarre tale that somehow became a page-turner.

I feel as if I do not want to reveal too much of this book's story, because as the reader, I didn't see the majority of it coming. While unpredictable, the plot line remains fluid, and I never once regretted picking this one up. Yes, a bit bizarre and graphic in the early chapters, but watching the narrator's life as it unravels and reassembles is presented in such a way that you just have to know what happens next.

LIZ: BOOK #44

Dear Diary By Lesley Arfin

288 pages

Completed 12/23/10

Vice contributor Lesley Arfin revisits her diary, tracking her downward spiral from pre-adolescent self-esteem-less girl to heroin-addicted twenty-something, this book's concept intrigued me. Arfin tracks down and interviews the subjects of her entries. This seemed to be the perfect book for me, a lover of addiction/recovery memoirs, a diary format, a tell-all. However, I was pretty disappointed.

Not as scandalous or gut-wrenching as I had imagined, and at times, annoying. The woe-is-me entries from most of her adolescence were exhausting, and when re-connections from her past didn't pan out, I felt myself not even remotely interested. Most memoirs, on the other hand, have me looking up the author online when I am finished reading, wanting to know more. This one, disappointingly, didn't pique any interest at all.

I suppose I thought I would find this memoir juicier, funnier, and more relatable. Instead, I found myself relieved when it was over. I would have been more interested if I picked up a random diary and suffered through it.

LIZ: BOOK #41

Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity by Kerry Cohen

224 pages

Completed 11/16/10

This sad tale of a girl who realizes far-too young her power as a female over men was deep. Cohen's young what-the-hell attitude is both freeing and terrifying at the same time. As her promiscuos ways continue throughout high school and college, the tales - told tastefully, not raunchily as I had expected - grow sadder. Her own self-reflections cannot help but allow the reader to feel for this woman.

With her dysfunctional family proving what could possibly be deemed one of the best memoir-featured ones, Kerry attempts to use her physical beingness as means to escape, but when finding herself in the process, is haunted by what she sees. With actual relationships thrown in along with cross-country moves, this memoir is a must-read.

LIZ: BOOK #38

Assholes Finish First by Tucker Max

416 pages

Completed 10/11/10

The follow-up to Max's successfully hilarious, yet completely chauvinistic, "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell," "Assholes Finish First" provides more amusing escapades of Max. One of the rare female fans of Max, I was really looking forward to this book; IHTSBIH literally had me laughing out loud, crying it hurt so badly because the stories were THAT good.

I was curious to see how Max's adventures would change with fame - the answer is that there was less of a chase, and more skanky girls just offering themselves up to him, leading to less amusing endings. Two arrests, and the inevitable lack of amusement about being a man in his thirties chasing barely-legal girls just wasn't as hysterical this time around.

This was a quick read, and somewhat disappointing. Don't get me wrong, there were some laugh-out-loud moments, but not the side-splitting humor I had come to love from Max. I was pleasantly surprised at the end, however, as he revealed another book - perhaps two - will follow next year. Hopeful some more of the hysterical anecdotes will step it up.

LIZ: BOOK #33

Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang by Chelsea Handler

256 pages

Completed 8/15/10

Let's preface this by saying I adore Chelsea Handler. I think she's hysterical; yes, she's crude and not very classy, and that is exactly what I love about her. I have read all of her books, and while this one was not the funniest, I was still laughing out loud so hard at some points that I had to stop reading.

That being said, I sped through this book; 6 hours and done. Disappointing when a book is that good and you get to that last page. Clearly, this is not a work of literary genius, but nonetheless beyond enjoyable.

LIZ: BOOK #11

The Man of My Dreams by Curtis Sittenfeld

269 pages

Completed 2/27/10

After listening to Sittenfeld's "Prep" on audio a few months ago, her light writing style drew me in. She is not a literary genius by any means, but she tells a good story without too many annoying extras.

This novel revolves around Hannah - beginning when she is fourteen up until her late twenties. With an unbearable cousin, separated parents, her love of love, and a complicated relationship with her sister, Hannah's self-discovery is non-specific enough to apply to almost every young woman. I was pleasantly pleased by Sittenfeld's way of incorporating love and relationships without this being a chick-lit book.

At the very end, I was surprised by how emotion-full the story became; perhaps it's only because I could so deeply relate to Hannah. While I did not like Sittenfeld's way of using a letter as an ending, I don't see how else it could've been done. I will definitely keep my eye out for new Sittenfeld books.